The Voice UK series two premiere live blog
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It's been a year since The Voice was on our screens and in that time, we've seen poor Leanne Mitchell—and the BBC show—take a hell of a beating in the press. But the show is back for a re-imagined series opener.
Punctuation anarchist will.i.am joins Jessie J, Sir Tom Jones and Danny The Hyperactive Puppy O'Donoghue return for another round of spinning chairs. Strap in and join us for the first show.
20:35: So we're one episode in: how does series two compare to last year? The dynamic between the judges/coaches/chair-spinners is stronger. That's one positive to take away. We're still stuck on the awkward presenting from Reggie and Holly. Maybe they'll get more of a chance to shine in the live rounds; for now, it weakens the whole production.
20:29: Anyone singing Ray LaMontagne needs to think about the bloody lyrics. Great voice, but hideously boring.
We finally have a name for Will's hair-style: The Angular Step.
20:29: Kavana's audition reminded us of Creme Brulee from The League of Gentlemen. "It's a shit business! I’m glad I’m out of it."
20:18: Here comes Kavana. Will he make us feel good? No. No, he won't because he doesn't get through. But anyone with nostalgia from The Big Reunion will enjoy this.
This is turning into a bit of a cringe-fest already. No one can sing Crowded House except for Crowded House. Most of these former popstars never manage to update their sound and Kavana is no different.
20:12: Pretty face aside, Katie Benbow does have one of the most overly affected voices I've heard since Diana Vickers (though with a much bigger range). She's mastered Britney Spears' vomiting vibrato pretty well. Hopefully, Jessie can teach her how to stop singing like she's possessed by a demon.
20:08: Nodding... off... Just woke up at the mention of The Silver Bear. You can always rely on will.i.am to come out with gems like "Silver Bear" and "choose wrong and you die". He technically just threatened to murder the Salford lad if he didn't choose Danny.
"You will be safe in the hands of The Wizard."
20:03: Whenever I hear rapping in that accent, I wait for the line: "You wanna put a BANGIN' donk on it."
20:02: THAT WAS KAVANA.
19:58: Have we established why Holly and Reggie are on this show? I love Willoughbooby, but I can't work out what they're supposed to do.
19:55: We need some Big Reunion song choices to liven up this first episode. Could this Amelia Lily clone do something more upbeat? Or is she heading for disaster? If you panic when you sing, you shouldn't be a singer. She's not going through.
19:51: I just warmed to Danny after that. And props to her for having a sense of humour about the blind auditions.
"I wasn't sure if anyone turned round or not..."
19:49: Despite some nerves, she deserves recognition for wiping out any memory of that hideous Westloif [sic] version.
19:47: I can't work out how this is going to go. I'm hoping, given that this is the BBC, that she's going to blow them away.
19:43: That line should really have been: "Can I just say? I have written a musical... So go fuck yourselves."
19:40: I would have thought Danny would be the first to turn round for this bloke, but he couldn't care less. Nor could anyone else. He telegraphed his own defeat when he said he wouldn't want to "muck it up". Here's our first stumble of the night, folks.
19:34: Revelation of the night: Jessie J knows what it's like to want to be a female. Crying Game situation?
19:30: Here come the sob stories. My flat's too small, my shoes are last season, my iPhone is only a 3GS. Signs pointed to a no as soon as Leanne Jarvis started talking about her troubled life, but she's got Jessie, Will and Danny on her side. Will could be the best choice for her because he knows what to do with young singers like her. She stole that hair from Claire Richards in 'Summer of Love'.
19:25: Boom Boom Pow... Really? They could make this 'please choose me' section more interesting by sending electric currents through the coaches' chairs. Anyone who can string an utterance together while being electrocuted is a worthy winner.
19:21: Danny County sounds like Alan Partridge when he pierces his foot on the spike.
19:18: "Your heart is as big as your..." wins the most awkward comment of the night so far as will.i.am awkwardly avoids the subject of the Welsh man's weight.
19:16: The Danny O'Donoghue School of Critique: "You're not a good singer. You're a great singer." I'm zoning out slightly...
19:14: It took 30 seconds before Jessie was on the stage. Sir Tom Jones did cheat a little bit at the end.
19:10: "I'm not sure if I would have made it on The Voice because the level is so high."
Notice how no one is willing to mention Leanne's stuttering career just yet. And here comes the piano to underscore this poor chap's weight struggles. Still, he's a good singer and the judges seem impressed enough to swivel round.
19:06: Sir Tom has got some serious moves. At least they're opening the show with something different than the usual X Factor fluff. I'm still baffled by the missing piece of will.i.am's head, but I'm willing to go with it for the sake of my own sanity. It's the music industry's equivalent of Lost's number mystery.